Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
