So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
