I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We had sex on a dog bed..
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
