I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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