I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
