Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
