those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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