You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
