I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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