marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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