i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you didnt know i had herpes?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
