I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
