hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
