I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
