i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
