She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
