Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
