yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
