At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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