If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
