I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
