Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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