Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
