cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
