New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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