Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
