i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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