Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
