Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
