Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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