dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
