I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
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he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
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Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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