I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
high people should be assigned attendants
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize