I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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