I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
