My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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