A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
