did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
