I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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