apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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