ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
