i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
