Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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