I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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