First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
