I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
