"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
