what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
