and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
