My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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