I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
