so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
