I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
