her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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