she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
