so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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