don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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