You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i will never coherently bang her
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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