I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
