Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
