dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
