She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
