So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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