Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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