Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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