Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We need to get me chipped asap
I think my moral compass just broke
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