Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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