If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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