the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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