Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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